Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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