That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
