She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
