do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Randomize
