Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
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