So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
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