this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up backwards on a recliner
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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