Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
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