Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
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