god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
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