Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
