I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
