In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
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