This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Randomize
