is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Randomize
