Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
