I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
