I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
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