Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
Randomize
