im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Randomize
