i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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