my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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