I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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