He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Randomize