nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
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