I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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