Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
