in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
