Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
