I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
