Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
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