Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Randomize
