I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Randomize
