and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
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Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
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I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
I have post one night stand depression
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