you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
I'm always down for nudity.
Randomize
