You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
