4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
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