6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
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