you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Randomize
