that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Randomize