I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
