According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
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