My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
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