Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
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