Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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