Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
