thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Randomize
