And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
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Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
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Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
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