worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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