I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
Everyone says I win the strip club
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
