so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Randomize
