all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
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The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
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