my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Randomize
