fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
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