You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
