well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize