One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
The struggles of a small town man whore
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Randomize
