it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
