Dual....:-)
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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