Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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