do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Randomize
