Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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