There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Come share oat with me in your robe
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
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