Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
