and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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