On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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